Off to Run Free Soon…

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Day two of hospice, palliative, end of life care in place for my father. Not much has changed yet in reality everything has. My dad has been sick for a long time now. More than half my life. Until yesterday morning I guess I thought the way ever son does about his father, that he would live forever. My dad always being present for the “wins and losses” in life has been a given. He will be gone soon. I am not sure how I am processing that. There will be no more transfusions, no more trips to the er or hospital, and no more ability for the marvels of modern medicine to save him.

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As a medical student and EMT I know the truth of those facts means he won’t live much longer. Hospice is in place now to allow my father to pass with dignity. The advances of technology and pharmaceuticals in health care don’t always allow for that process. My classmates from medical school will not be able to provide care for him.

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As a runner and son I know I again need to lace up my sneakers and get outside so that I can continue to support my family by being the strong, happy, and “filled with hopes and dreams” oldest son. However as I typed the email to Gil and Francesca today about my decision to skip UROC this weekend I realized those qualities I own are a little harder to find these days beneath the tears. The rocks, roots, and dirt on the trails are a bit more difficult to see with an over active lacrimal gland above each eye.

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Life goes on. It always does. Maybe for my father he will soon to able to lace up his old football cleats and run alongside me. I would like to believe that he will be at peace soon in a way that we were when we used to run QB / receiver patterns when I was a child.

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About rundavejames

Two Time USATF 100 Mile National Champion Two Time Coastal Challenge Rain Forest Run Champion Team Red, White, Blue #CoachDJ www.rundavejames.com @rundavejames Premier Mozart100(r) Winner Athlete / Public Speaker
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5 Responses to Off to Run Free Soon…

  1. Very well written, Dave. I truly feel your pain and sadness. Stay strong, my friend.

  2. Tracy Høeg says:

    Great post, Dave. Very sorry sorry about your dad. But it is good, as you say, that he can end his life with dignity. And I am certain he is very proud of you.

  3. Stay strong, Dave. It sounds like your father will always be with you in your heart. Take peace in knowing that and of the memories of him. Yep. Lace em up and let it all out.

  4. katherinew_gurl@msn.com says:

    Its a hard one, you don’t want him to go but you don’t want them to suffer any more. I guess after watching my dad die young, I was grateful for the time we had together. I feel your pain and wish you strength to get through this.

  5. Pingback: Back to Bridgeport | sometimes I run :)

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